Nobody Should Cry Alone

Nobody should have to cry alone, especially a kid.

In one of our last updates on the children, the social worker that sometimes M gets sad and goes off by herself to cry for a while.

I know all kids cry. My 4 year old cries at some point nearly every day. But Mom or Dad is always nearby to comfort him.

I keep wondering what would cause a 9-year-old girl to cry. It could be anything really. A toy not shared. A disagreement with her sister. The perception that someone else is receiving preferential treatment.

Or maybe she cries because she has no mommy to tuck her in at night. Maybe someone is bullying her, and she doesn't have a grown up to stick up for her. Maybe she longs for a daddy to tell her how beautiful and funny and smart she is. Perhaps she is hungry. Feeling sick and not getting the right medication. Maybe she longs for a family. Maybe she is sad or scared or anxious and doesn't know why.

Whatever the case, the fact that she sometimes cries, alone, keeps me motivated.

We won't give up on these three children. No matter how long it takes. No matter how much money it costs. We will keep praying, advocating, and trying every avenue we can think of to get our kids home.

Game Change

I haven't blogged about our adoption in more than a month. In a lot of scenarios no news is good news. In this case, no news isn't great because it means our kids are spending another day, another week, and another month in an orphanage without a mom and a dad.

It's such a complicated situation, and because of language and cultural differences, even we don't understand it fully. But I'll try to break it down, and then tell you about the new plan of action.

The key players:

• Our kids-D, a 12 year old boy; M, a 9 year old girl, and L, a 7 year old girl. They have been in an orphanage since L was a baby, which in my estimate is about 7 years too long.
• Mr. S, our kids advocate in Ethiopia; he also happens to be Ethiopian so he understand the culture and he has amazing access to government officials and people in power
• The government officials in the state in which our kids live.
• The Federal government in Ethio.
• The "Ministry," a division that is roughly equivalent to our Dept. of Child and Family (DCFS) but on a federal level. 

The Requirements for Adoption (greatly simplified):

• A required set of papers must be collected at the state level; they are then submitted to the Ministry. The Ministry writes a letter of recommendation and passes it on to the Federal Court, and they complete the adoption.
• The required set of papers includes things such death certificates for the parents, testimony from friends and family that nobody is able to care for the children, birth certificates for the children, a list of all family members, names, addresses, social/physical/emotional exams for the children, all of our papers (doctor reports, references, letters from employers, police records, background checks, etc.) etc. etc. Hundreds of pages of documents. All must be notarized, translated, and authenticated.
• All of these papers are for the safety of the children. There is a terrible history of child trafficking, black-market babies, bribes, and corruption. And also of some American parents adopting Ethio children and then abusing them, starving them, and not being good parents.

The problem (again, greatly simplified):

• At one time international adoption was legal in all of Ethiopia.
• In recent years, the decision to allow int'l adoption has been put in the hands of the states, and some states have exercised their right to no longer allow it.
• Our children's state previously allowed int'l adoption, but about 18 months ago decided to stop them.
• Our kids were approved by the state and all necessary papers were collected before they stopped allowing adoptions.
• After their state stopped adoptions, the Ministry changed the required set of papers. They now require an additional signed letter saying an investigation was done and no local options for adoption were found. (Understandably, they would prefer if Ethio kids were adopted by Ethio parents and kept in country.)
• So now we have the rub: The Ministry wants this one additional letter. The children's state officials refuse to give that letter--partly because they feel what they provided was sufficient evidence, and partly because they no longer have an adoption "division," per se. 
• The Ministry won't budge without the letter; the state won't budge and write the letter.
• Caught in the middle are our children. 
• Witness after witness have confirmed no local options are available. Our boy remembers the death of his parents. Nobody has come forward in 7 years to adopt these children. They are older, and a sibling set of 3, so they are considered "special needs" in the world of adoption.

 The original plan:

• Our children's advocate, Mr. S, would negotiate with the Ministry to get a letter of recommendation from them, despite not having this one last piece of paper. He would appeal to them on the basis of the welfare of the children.

The problem:

• They are more concerned with crossing their T's and dotting their I's. They have gotten bad press in the past for allowing some adoptions that turned out bad, and they don't want any more negative publicity.

The new plan:

• Since his negotiations with the Ministry have not been fruitful, he is going to ask them to write a letter of recommendation, even if it's a negative letter.
• There is always the chance that when push comes to shove, someone will be having a good day and write a positive letter...that would be ideal.
• If they write a negative letter, which they probably will, Mr. S. will take the letter to the Federal Court and appeal their decision.
• This has only been done one time that we know of, and it was successful in getting the Court to approve the adoption. The only downside is that before the child leaves the country, they must have a new birth certificate issued listing the adoptive parents as their parents. And who has to issue this new certificate? The Ministry. And of course, they are dragging their feet. That case is ongoing, so we pray for a good outcome for that child...and then for us.

It's a risky move; nobody likes their decision to be appealed or usurped. But Mr. S. feels that since we have no traction on Plan A, it's time to move to Plan B.

This is a stressful time for all involved. I can't help but think of all the time, money, and energy, and prayers that have gone into giving these three children a chance to experience a family, a home, unconditional love. And it's not just our time, money, and prayers. It's all of you. Our faithful friends and family who have contributed generously through fundraisers, donations, prayers, and encouragement.

And it's not just our three children. There's another little girl at their orphanage who is in the same boat. She has a family in Utah that is awaiting good news on her case. And that family has been waiting even longer than us.

Every day that passes, I think, They could be here. They could be learning how to be kids. They could have a mom and dad to protect them and provide for them. They could have access to medical care and good nutrition. They could be grieving their losses and moving toward healing. 

We feel this is a critical juncture. Would you, once again, pray for all involved? God holds the hearts of those in power, and He can change their minds. He can soften hearts.

We're putting all our eggs in His basket, because He is our only hope.